The Wolf of Wall Street Movie Quotes

The Wolf of Wall Street is a 2013 American black comedy film directed by Martin Scorsese, based on Jordan Belfort’s memoir of the same name. It was released on December 25, 2013. The screenplay was written by Terence Winter, and the film stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Jordan Belfort, a New York stockbroker who runs a firm that engages in securities fraud and corruption on Wall Street in the 1990s.

Here are some quotes from this movie taken directly from WikiQuote.org

Jordan Belfort

• [voiceover] I’m a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside Queens. The year I turned 26 as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made 49 million dollars, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.
• Yup. On a daily basis, I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month.
• I take Quaaludes 10 to 15 times a day for my “back pain,” Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine, well, because it’s awesome.
• [voiceover] See, money doesn’t just buy a better life, better food, better cars, better pussy. It also makes you a better person. You can give generously to the church or a political party of your choice.
• Her pussy was like heroin to me. And it wasn’t just about the sex either. Naomi and I got along. I mean, we had similar interests and shit.
• An IPO is an initial public offering. It’s a first time a stock is offered for sale to the general population. Now as the firm taking the company public, we set the initial sales price, then sold those shares right back to our friends. The i- Look, I-I know you’re not following what I’m saying anyway, right? That’s-that’s okay. That doesn’t matter. The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fucking not. But we were making more money than we knew what do with.
• Let me tell you something. There’s no nobility in poverty. I’ve been a poor man, and I’ve been a rich man. And I choose rich every fucking time.
• This right here is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my home! The show goes on! [quoting from Norma Rae] They’re gonna need to send in the National Guard to take me out, cos I ain’t going nowhere!
• FYI boys, Danielle has promised to use this $10,000 for breast implants. She’s already got C-cups but now she wants FUCKIN’ DOUBLE D’S!

Donnie Azoff

• [peeing on his subpoena] Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you! Fuck you!

Patrick Denham

• Let me give you some legal advice: Shut the fuck up!

Dialogue

Jordan: [to the waiter] Oh, I’m good with water for now.

Mark Hanna: It’s his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.

Mark Hanna: You gotta stay relaxed. Do you jerk off?

Jordan: Do I jerk off? Yeah.

Mark Hanna: How many times a week?

Jordan: Like um… three, three or four times maybe.

Mark Hanna: All right, pump those numbers up, those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least… twice a day.

Jordan: Wow.

Mark Hanna: The name of the game, moving the money from the client’s pocket to your pocket.

Jordan: But if you can make your clients money at the same time it’s advantageous to everyone, correct?

Mark Hanna: No.

Donnie: How much money you make?

Jordan: $70,000 last month.

Donnie: Get the fuck outta here!

Jordan: Well technically, $72,000 last month.

Donnie: You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my job right now and work for you.

[later, on the phone]

Donnie: Hey Paulie, what’s up? No, everything’s fine. Hey listen, I quit!

Jordan: I heard some stupid shit. I… I didn’t even want to bring it up. It’s just… stupid.

Donnie: Shit with me?

Jordan: You know, just… people say shit. I don’t even know. I don’t even listen to it half the time.

Donnie: What do they say?

Jordan: Shit about you and your cousin or something like that. I don’t even listen to it. It doesn’t even…

Donnie: No… it’s not like that. It’s not like that.

Jordan: You know what I mean? Like you married your cousin or some stupid shit, you know?

Donnie: Yeah, my wife… yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever. But it’s not like what you think or whatever, you know…

Jordan: Is she like a… first cousin, or is she…

Donnie: Yeah, no. She… you know, her… her father is the… is the brother of my mom.

Jordan: Mhm.

Donnie: It’s not like… Look. We grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know. She fuckin’ grew up hot and all of my friends were trying to fuck her, you know, and I wasn’t… I’m not gonna let someone, you know, one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I, you know, used the cousin thing as like… like an in with her. I’m not gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone is gonna fuck my cousin it’s gonna be me, out of… out of respect, you know?

Jordan: [voiceover] I fucked her brains out… for eleven seconds.

Naomi: Did you just cum?

Jordan: Oh yeah. I just came. Did you? Did you cum?

Naomi: No.

Jordan: No? Okay. I’m still hard. Just give me a second.

Naomi: Sure.

Jordan: [holding his child] Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls?

Naomi: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn’t even get to touch Mommy for a very, very… very long time.

Jordan: Daddy’s really sorry about what he said in the other room; he didn’t mean any of it!

Naomi: Daddy shouldn’t waste his time. And from now on… it’s gonna be nothing but short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties. [spreads her legs to show him]

Jordan: Yeah?

Naomi: Yeah. [pushes him away with her legs] But no touching.

Jordan: Oh, gosh.

[Donnie walks up to an employee who is cleaning a fish bowl]

Donnie: [smoking a cigarette] Hi. How are you doing?

Employee: Good.

Donnie: You’re cleaning your fish bowl?

Employee: [nervously] I had a minute.

Donnie: You had a minute. And today, you needed to clean your fish bowl today?

Employee: I finished my paper work and I just had a couple of minutes.

Donnie: Okay, nice to meet you.

[Donnie calmly walks away. Jordan smiles from the other room. He turns back to the employee]

Donnie: [shouts] On new issue day! You cock sucking mother fucker! On new issue day! This is what you do! [Picks up the fish bowl, stands on a chair. To the other workers] Hey! Everybody! Listen up! This is what happens when you fuck with your pets on new issue day!

[Takes the fish out from the bowl. He swallows it. The other workers laugh. The employee stands in shock. Jordan claps.]

Donnie: [to the employee] Take your little bow tie. Take your shit and get the fuck out of my office. You understand?

Jordan: [shouts] Get the fuck out!

Donnie: I got a couple of mil’ comin’ in like a week. And when it gets in, I’ll give you a call and you come pick it up.

Brad: You’ll give me a call?

Donnie: When it gets here, I’ll give you a call and you’ll come pick it up.

Chantalle: Well, we don’t work for you, man!

Donnie: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Technically, you do work for me.

Donnie: I check my messages every day when I come home from work… my answering machine… zero! I got a blinking light because I don’t have shit from you. I got my wife… I got my wife checking the messages every forty-five minutes calling the office saying. “Has Brad apologized yet? Is there an apology message on the machine?” I don’t have jack-shit. You know what? That’s not how you treat people.

Brad: You gotta be a fucking pal… You know what, I’m gonna give you a fucking pass, just give me the case.

Donnie: You’re gonna give me a pass?

Brad: Look, it’s a figure of fucking speech, just give me the fucking…

Donnie: Oh my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass! Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor’s gone? Is it, is it mayhem? Are people lauding and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you’re here?

Jordan: You guys hungry? Want something to eat? We got some, uh, pasta, shrimp, lobster. I got whiskey, any kind of booze you want.

Denham: You know what? The Bureau doesn’t allow us to drink while we’re at sea.

Jordan: Duh!

Denham: Most of the Wall Street jackasses I bust are douchebags, just like their fathers before them. But you… you, Jordan, got this way all on your own.

Jordan: Did I?

Denham: Good for you, little man.

Jordan: Me, the little man?

Denham: Let me tell you something else. This is one of the nicest boats I’d ever been on. I gotta tell ya.

Jordan: I bet it is.

Denham: Hey, you wanna know what I was just thinking too? The hero I’m going to be back at the office when the Bureau seizes this boat.

Jordan: [laughing] All right, get the fuck off my boat. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable, ugly wives. I’m going to go get Heidi to lick some caviar off my balls

Jordan: You want a beer, pal?

Donnie: What are you drinkin’?

Jordan: I got this non-alcoholic shit…

Donnie: What’s that?

Jordan: It’s like a non-alcoholic beer. It’s got no… no alcohol.

Donnie: It’s a beer?

Jordan: Yeah, with no alcohol.

Donnie: But, you drink enough and… you drink a lot and it’ll get you fucked up?

Jordan: No, there’s no alcohol. That’s the fuckin’ point.

Donnie: I’m not a scientist; I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I can get you beer if you want fuckin’ beer.

Jordan: I know, but I don’t drink, remember? I don’t drink anymore?

Donnie: What, you wanna go inside and blow some lines of baking powder, baking soda? Can’t imagine ever not enjoying getting fucked up. I love it.

Jordan: Yeah…

Donnie: How’s being sober?

Jordan: It fuckin’ sucks.

Donnie: Boring, right?

Jordan: So boring. I’m gonna kill myself.